In today’s story, we dive deep into the experience of Kary, a Chinese woman who worked overseas for years, masking her battle with depression beneath a facade of success. Her story not only unveils the emotional cost behind being a corporate elite but also offers profound lessons for those suffering from depression and their loved ones.
Pressure Behind the Glamour
Kary is a Chinese immigrant who has lived and worked in Australia for 20 years. Two years ago, she was diagnosed with severe depression. Before that, she was perceived by many as a corporate elite: an excellent academic performer who joined a prestigious architectural firm and rose to an executive position through sheer competence. To outsiders, she seemed to lead an enviably successful life.
However, Kary’s success hid an invisible inner struggle. Years of relentless work pressure, working almost 24/7 late into the night, had taken a toll on her physical and mental health. She frequently suffered from headaches and neck pain but failed to recognize the severity of her condition.
“I missed the best window for treatment,” Kary recalled. “Had I seen a psychologist instead of just going to physiotherapists, my situation might have turned out very differently.”
Kary is eager to share her story and the mistakes she made along the way. “If my experience can inspire others suffering from depression or those who suspect they might have it, I would feel it’s truly worthwhile.”
Diagnosed with Burnout and Severe Depression
For years, Kary struggled with symptoms like headaches, vomiting, and inability to focus. Medications and doctor visits didn’t resolve her issues. When the COVID-19 pandemic hit in 2020, the construction industry suffered a downturn, exacerbating her long-standing burnout and anxiety. Her condition rapidly deteriorated—Kary often overreacted to minor things and lashed out at those around her. Friends and colleagues began distancing themselves, thinking she had become unpredictable, or even unstable.
At her worst, Kary could no longer get out of bed to work. Physically and mentally exhausted, she found herself misunderstood by everyone. Her family thought she was losing her mind, and Kary herself started to believe that too. The frequent suicidal thoughts made her suspect her condition was more than just work-related stress.
Eventually, a psychologist diagnosed her with severe depression that had lasted for over a decade. This diagnosis brought Kary a sense of relief as if she’d finally uncovered the root of her long-standing struggles. “So, I’m actually ill,” she thought, “and my irrational behaviors finally made sense.”
After the diagnosis, Kary immediately began therapy, but finding the right therapist proved challenging. She tried working with a few Australian therapists, but cultural differences and divergent life experiences made it difficult for them to truly empathize with her.
The Tough Journey to Finding the Right Therapist
Problem #1: Lack of Empathy
“Western therapists often struggle to empathize with us,” Kary noted. “Things that seem normal to us Asians often shock them.” For example, when Kary shared her childhood experience with a white therapist, the therapist felt so overwhelmed that they nearly needed counseling themselves.
“I was born in the 1980s. Back then, my parents adhered to a ‘scientific’ parenting philosophy: they wouldn’t hold me when I cried. No matter how young I was, even at just a month or two old, I wasn’t allowed to be held. When I shared this with my therapist, they nearly cried, telling me, ‘Your childhood was so tragic, do you realize you were abused? You have PTSD!’ At that moment, I could see the therapist trying to hold back tears.”
Problem #2: Judgment
Due to cultural differences, Kary also encountered judgment from therapists. “I had a session with a white female therapist, and after every two sentences, she would make a judgment.”
“For example, when I described my odd behavior during my illness and how my partner didn’t dare talk to me, the therapist immediately concluded that my family was abusive and that I should leave my partner and seek help from a women’s shelter.”
“I was shocked by her reaction. I wasn’t describing myself as a victim; I was just sharing facts about my experience. We only had one session—I couldn’t continue with her after that.”
Kary ultimately gave up on finding a Western therapist. “Their upbringing made it impossible for them to truly understand or handle the life experiences of East Asians.”
Misunderstandings About Therapy
Kary also tried consulting therapists from China due to the long wait times for local ones. However, she found that the quality of therapy in China varied greatly, and many therapists lacked professional boundaries.
“They often approached the sessions with a problem-solving mindset, positioning themselves as teachers rather than companions and guides,” Kary explained. “Therapists shouldn’t try to directly solve the patient’s problems—patients need to discover and address these themselves. The therapist’s role is to accompany and guide.”
Kary noticed that many people misunderstand therapy, expecting clear solutions after a few sessions. But in reality, therapy is more about helping people build self-awareness. For Chinese people, who are often influenced by societal expectations, developing this self-awareness is especially important.
What Makes a Good Therapist
After two years of trial and error, Kary finally found her current therapist—an Indian woman. This therapist showed great understanding of Kary’s cultural background and maintained strong professional boundaries.
“A good therapist helps you see yourself from a third-person perspective,” Kary said. “It’s like another version of yourself that you meditate into existence.”
“A good therapist guides you to see previously ignored emotions and issues. The best therapists are open-minded, understanding, and culturally aware. For instance, my current therapist is incredibly relaxed—she’s not a workaholic, but she understands my workaholic tendencies without judgment. We’ve been working together for almost two years, and she’s never once judged me.”
When to Seek Therapy
Kary offered her advice on when to seek therapy: “If there’s an issue that’s been bothering you for a long time—one that you’ve discussed with others but can’t seem to resolve—it’s time to talk to a professional.”
“I recommend that anyone who feels they need it, and has the ability, should seek therapy—even if you don’t have a diagnosed mental illness. Sometimes it’s just about inner turmoil. If you’re already showing symptoms of depression and experiencing physical manifestations, waiting too long can make things worse.”
Family Dynamics and Workplace Coping with Depression
Communicating with Family
During her treatment, Kary’s relationships with her family and partner were tested. Depression patients often need family support, but this can sometimes strain relationships.
Kary’s partner was careful and overly attentive, which only increased Kary’s stress. “Due to my depression, I had no appetite, but my partner kept trying to feed me or cook for me, which only added to the pressure.”
Kary emphasized the importance of clear communication with loved ones, expressing that she told her partner, “You’re doing great. I don’t need you to do anything more.”
Managing Work Relationships
After her diagnosis, Kary communicated openly with her company, which provided great support and allowed her flexible work arrangements.
“For depression patients, communication with your company is crucial,” Kary said. “It’s essential to seek adjustments rather than trying to push through on sheer willpower.”
She also encouraged people to be assertive at work, not to endure discrimination silently, and to take advantage of opportunities to protect themselves.
Self-Acceptance
After her long journey through depression, Kary has learned to accept herself more fully. “I no longer force myself to be perfect or to be as lively and outgoing as I used to be,” she said.
Kary now explores astrology and has found peace in accepting that she no longer needs to be a “corporate elite.” She encouraged others facing depression to bravely confront their inner struggles and understand that depression is just like any other illness.